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EP9: Show Notes

Women and men have their own strengths and weaknesses. We are “yin” and “yan” and when we come together in a productive partnership, we can effortlessly manifest a beautiful life together.  In the episode on Love Ingrid and Inna go over all the relationship mistakes they and many of their close girlfriends have made over the years. Give the episode a listen and if you are single, and want a partner, use the knowledge to find yourself a wonderful partner to build a life with. And if you are struggling in your current relationship, the episode can enlighten you as to “why” that might be the case and how you might be able to bring back the love.

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Take away from the episode:

  • An intimate partner is like your best friend. You want to be able to respect them, like them, be around them, feel understood by them and allow yourself to be vulnerable around them.

  • There is a clarity and maturity that comes when you marry/partner up later in life and after a good solid long time of dating. You will appreciate a good man when he does roll around.

  • Learn to look past the surface and really get to know your potential mate.

  • Never chase a man. Know your worth.

  • Don’t get into the relationship looking to change a man. Either accept for everything he has to offer or find someone else.

  • A man has to make it super clear he is into you through consistent loving actions.

  • You will get treated the way you expect to be treated. Communicate your needs in a loving, but assertive manner. Don't put up with any shit.

  • Being single is a fertile time. Take time to explore all your options.

  • Learn to spot and identify liars, insecure, controlling and passive aggressive men. And stay the hell away.

  • A masculine man is a confident, gentleman. He is present and aware and creative. He sees what needs to be fixed and does it.

  • Do the work. By working on yourself you build yourself up to be a CONFIDENT, ASSERTIVE, BALANCED, PRESENT human being. You attract the equivalent of who you are. You attract the mirror self.

  • Have your own bank account. Make your own money. Have your independence.

  • A good man has his shit together. So does a good woman.

  • A sense of mystery is important in a relationship. Have your own world, and your own life, outside the marriage/relationship.

  • If you are not being physically intimate. If you are not having sex you need to talk about it and get to the bottom of it. “Warfare” often happens in the bedroom in a marriage filled with angry grudges. This most often leads to more resentment and eventually one partner or both cheating on one another.

  • Be on a look out for red flags and deal breakers. Whatever you do don't sweep them under the rug. If red flags pop up move on and save yourself any heartache.

  • If a man breaks your heart, use the pain the breakup generates. Write a song, a script, a poem, start a business, connect with other women. Get creative in dealing with heart ache.

  • Heart break will make you a strong, richer and wiser human being.

 

Things to consider when looking to find a good partner:

  1. Is he a liar? Be on a look out for any small lies. If you catch him telling lies about small things, when you first start dating, that kind of behavior is a habit and it doesn’t just go away. He will continue lying deep into your relationship. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life living in a state of distrust and uncertainty about your partner?

  2. Is he a “talker”? Some men are very good “talkers”. Be on the lookout for actions, not words, to confirm he is a good man. He might be just talking his way into your pants.

  3. Is he living a creative, abundant life doing what he loves? Or is he living paycheck to paycheck always worrying about money? Money should never be the deciding factor to get into a relationship with someone, but do keep an eye on their money habits and how they think about money. Their bad money habits and money mindset will effect anything and everything you will try to build together.

  4. Does he respect you, your wishes and your wisdom? The disrespect comes in a form of “not listening” to your ideas and not standing up for you.

  5. Do you find his friends annoying? You have to like and respect him and as well as his friends, otherwise it will not work in the long run.

  6. Does your family respect and like him? If your family truly knows you and loves you they will want what’s best for you. If they don’t like your partner, that is a huge red flag. Look deeply and honestly into why they don’t like the man you are dating. There might some important truth there. Might. 

  7. Are you the best version of you around him? Does this person make you want to be the best possible you? Do they inspire you? Spend your life with someone who encourages you to go for your dreams and makes space for you to succeed, not someone who competes with you and judges your every action.

  8. Does he talk “trash”? Observe the words coming out of his mouth. They should not cause more damage than good. His words create his reality and by association yours.

Rituals that attract a quality man into your life:

  1. Make a list. Be specific about the qualities your dream partner would have.

  2. Enjoy your life and you will manifest a mate who is also enjoying living his life to the fullest. You would be two whole human beings coming together.

  3. Focus on finding a good mate. Don’t just walk around and simply wish a man will plop into your life.

  4. Work on yourself and make sure you are a CONFIDENT, ASSERTIVE, BALANCED, PRESENT human being. You attract the equivalent of who you are.

  5. Check your insecurities. A person who is not confident in themselves comes across as desperate and that is a huge turn off for both men and women. Are your insecurities kicking in and creating drama in your new relationship? Observe your thoughts and make sure you are not sabotaging a possibly healthy relationship.

Steps to building a solid foundation in a loving relationship:

  1. Look at the big picture from the very start of the relationship. Assess the man’s qualities and realistically ask yourself “Are they good for me in the long run?”

  2. Don’t give up sex too soon. Physical chemistry is super important, but make sure to have deep conversations first and make sure you have shared values and goals.

  3. Take time to earn each other’s love and trust.

  4. Stay present and do not allow the new relationship to become an obsession. Be extra aware if you are using the new relationship bliss as an “escape” or to hide from any challenges life is forcing you to face. If you escape those challenges they will come back to haunt you later, effecting your relationship.

  5. Make sure he speaks highly of you, especially behind your back. And you speak highly of him.

  6. Continue to discover one another and continue to be a mystery to one another. Stay “boyfriend” and “girlfriend”.

  7. A relationship is like a flower in a pot. If you are not constantly tending to it; watering it and giving it sunlight, it will wither and die. You have to tend to the relationship like a flower.

  8. Choose one another. Commit. Both people in a relationship have to “choose” one another whole heartedly in order for the relationship to work.

As two women who are on a mission to live the most creative life we find the following books inspiring and empowering. Start your journey to harnessing your creative powers by embracing these amazing resources. Lack of creativity is linked to emotional isolation and withheld intimacy. One sure way to build successful and loving relationships is to connect to your creativity. 

 

 

Books:

“Wired for Love: How Understanding your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help you Defuse Conflicts and Build a Secure Relationship” by Stan Tatkin, PsyD

“Wired for Dating: How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate” by Stan Tatkin, PsyD

“We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love” by Stan Tatkin, PsyD

“The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships”

by Don Miguel Ruiz Jr. and Heatherash Amara

“Mating in Captivity” by Esther Perel

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